happy 55th birthday , mama :')

i'm doing this post just because I think mama deserves her own post in my blog . tak boleh campur dengan my previous post which I updated on the same day jugak . and just because tomorrow is mama's birthday . her 55th birthday .  gosh , I missed her so much . though i didn't get to spend a lot of time with her , I will love her forever and ever and ever and ever . for eternity .

mama was born on 25th June 1957 to a family yang memang caring and happening and i am so blessed that she was born in this family because it's also my family . i'm so blessed and proud of my family . she was a bright and happy go lucky person , orang cakap lah . saf tak pernah sempat nak kenal mama :') too bad... people would tell me that she's kind and very helpful . she's a very strict and straight forward person . but very caring . she loved her nephews and nieces so much . she also had a lot of friends that she cared a lot about . she was also very famous back then . cewahh :') i was too young to know and understand everything about mama back then . but a couple of years ago , i started to understand . i found her diaries , she had a high interest in literature . her writings are so beautiful :') i can see that she's a very secretive person by her writing . she's also a very islamic person . i envy her courage in changing . one day , i wanna be just like her . as i get older , people started telling other things about her . things that actually happened to her in her life . i started to think that she's a very strong person when it comes to having problems in life . i can never be as strong as her . this year too , i finally knew what happened to her masa saat-saat terakhir kehidupan dia . what she was facing . how people acted towards her . how she got sick , why she got sick . i cried . i couldn't stand hearing all those but i kept listening . kesian dekat mama... i was too young to comfort her , i didn't know anything . if i did , i would've told her "takpe , ma . safiyyah ada . you don't need anyone else in your life . you have me" but who am i to kid , i was 2 years old . tau nak menangis je time tu . teruk betul . if i were mama , i'd be soooo sad dengan situation in my life time tu . i think mama was feeling the same deep down . i'm not sure whether she showed it . mama had a hard time waktu tu . she was even demam time tu . they brought her and me to KL . nasib baik . if she were to meninggal dekat rumah yang ktorang tinggal dua orang dekat Ipoh tu , i wouldn't know what could've happen :( kesian mama... she passed away at wanchor's house . after solat 1/3 malam . i miss her . i need her...

I wish she'd still be with me today . i wish i could celeberate birthday mama betul betul with her , and opah and everyone . menyanyi lagu happy birthday , tiup candles dengan dia , eat cake , and most importantly hug her and tell her i love her . and also sorry for all the wrong doings I've done in this world . if i have to write everything in this post to tell her what i want to tell her , i would . but i still am sane enough to believe that Allah took her away for a good reason . semua benda ada hikmah dia . though i cant lie that from time to time pernah terfikir kenapa . pernah marah . pernah semua . i know it's stupid . but who wouldn't . she's my mom and i love her . she's the one person i love and admire . i'm proud to have her as a parent .

happy 55th birthday , mama ! I love you lots :'*